Monday, December 7, 2009

Letting Go...

The last few days I have been releasing some of the darkest of my old ways. I used to think that I was spiritually aligned if I was outwardly positive and met the world with that positive outlook.  That whole time, I was vividly aware of the undercurrent of thoughts going through my mind... anger, fear, anxiety, suspicion, jealousy, greed.  Dark thoughts they were, but the teachings of the time suggested that all I had to do was have an attitude that was positive and all would be good.


I know different now.


It isn't enough to just have a positive outlook; to act on the surface with intention for something becomes infused with the undercurrent regardless of how positive I may try to be. I thought if I had an attitude of gratitude, for example then that gratefulness would be broadcast throughout my being and my surroundings. Turns out that I was still deceiving myself. The undercurrent is what was broadcast...


It is a good place to start, being positive... "Fake it, til you make it", we've all heard as a suggestion for how to be. But this should just be a temporal place, the ultimate experience must be to root around and find the source of the thoughts that are trying to tell us that things are amiss, that there has been some personal harm done or that some perceived need is not being met. 


I have been positive while the source is still polluted and there is no freedom there. I would eventually succumb, fall into the trap, then see my reality through tainted senses, thus believing that things were terribly wrong when in reality everything was perfect.


I am going to the source now and that has made all the difference. I look at all thoughts coming into my mind and look at my response to them. If I start to feel the dark energies arise in relation to the thought then I know there is work to do, something to forgive and release.


Ultimately I am completely reprogramming my being to be aligned with my higher consciousness rather than the sensational external world. This has come through meditation and stillness and has provided much healing. I do my best now not to align with those old ways, taking action to let it go...


If this resonates with you, the reader, then try going to the source.  Track back a thought to an experience, is this it? Is this the source of my discomfort now? No... Keep going, until you find the root experience or memory of it. And when you find it, Forgive, forgive, forgive... All parties, yourself, the situation... Forgive it and especially forgive yourself.  Be sure to call all of your power and energy back, heal and then release it... find your own way, but let it go... 


Namaste.



Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Inspiration

It seems that every day brings new inspiration to my life. The Thanksgiving weekend brought much introspection and healing. I received an amazing healing session on Thanksgiving day that brought awareness to my thoughts, words and actions relating to abundance. I spent most of the day meditating on the insights of the session and released many destructive thought and energy patterns.


I make time for myself to experience the wonder of all that is. Sitting quietly on the porch, the chill autumn desert breeze carrying errant thoughts away, I search for the stillness. In the desiccated leaf that broke bud many moons ago, I see the simple complexity of the experience. All things change.  This leaf, once alive, now blowing in the breeze barely hanging on to what once was. Eventually, it will let go and find itself on a new path, back to source to support new life. It will join all the other leaves, becoming mulch to nourish the earth so new life can spring forth next spring.


The old ways are dying in me, those unhealthy patterns and behaviors I used to bully my way through life are in the autumn of their existence. They are drying up from lack of use and many have let go already, swept out by the winds of change.


The old ways were keeping me from my true purpose and blinding me to my authentic self. I can see now and am excited by this adventure. I seek stillness and in doing so have found a pathway to the Divine that is returning my being to wholeness; balancing mind, body and spirit. This has brought about incredible energy, increased vitality, better health, stronger life force, amazing insights, synchronicity and abundance.


Humbly, I navigate new opportunities that have opened to me as the old ways crumble.  I receive gratefully the offerings of the universe, now recognizing the Divinity in my surroundings and experience. I am inspired, as I see there is nothing to become. I am already here, layer after layer that releases merely revealing what has been all along.


In this new light, I now truly experience the miraculous and beautiful world that exists all around us.


Namaste...

Sunday, November 22, 2009

the Battle for the Light

There is a battle waging. I am on the field. At all times I must be prepared for the hit to come. I cannot let my consciousness falter, lest I create cracks in my energy that could allow the darkness some footing. My own demons hide out in the deepest recesses of my being waiting to strike, content to surface only for a moment to launch the strike then recede into the darkness that follows. If I am not totally aware, the insidious nature of these entities will creep up on me and before I know it... I am falling into the darkness.


The soul work I have been doing is releasing negative patterns that I had come to accept as my reality. I know different now and do my very best to see these patterns and their triggers. As I have come to understand my Authentic Nature, I realize that my core energy is that of Light and Love. Anything not of that frequency is not me... period.


I have been more and more connected to myself and the experience is amazing. I have seen miracles and felt the wings of angels. I have travelled great distances and connected with others from afar without ever leaving my living room. My meditations have brought the stillness to pierce the veil and see into the worlds that surround us. I have come to find out that these worlds are freely accessible to my energy bodies. Even though I didn't always know it, parts of my being were journeying far and wide, having experiences I was not aware of that have had impacts on my mind, body and spirit. 


I have seen the dark energies all around. They are heavy in frequency and drain my vitality. They can and do often attach to my energy fields and start the process of downward pull. If I can catch it before they drain my energy to far, I am able to push them off, much like I would blow a fly from my arm. These same frequencies lurk in my being as well and can be triggered when exposed to resonant energy. This is a double whammy, as I am being hit from inside and out at the same time. At times like this I must always remember that I am not connecting to my Authentic Self. In essence, once this hit takes hold I am acting out a program or script and the thoughts coming rapid fire, accusatory and blameful are not from my higher self.


I do my best during situations like this. Recently, I recognized the now unfamiliar negative internal dialogue and started to talk back. I know that is not me thinking those thoughts, where are they coming from? I asked over and over. They subsided for a while, replaced with a general irritability that I hadn't felt in quite a while. I knew this was not my true self and continued with my day, releasing the irritability along the way. Later in the day, I got an answer to the question... the source of the negative internal dialogue showed his face. The thought stream got polluted real quick and down I was going.


Breath work is the best medicine. I went into my breath, started to focus my attention solely on my breathing. This has so many benefits for my health, but now it was serving a different purpose. By invoking my breath and infusing it with Love, kindness and total personal responsibility I begin to raise my light frequency and energy. I am infusing my body with prana, life force, chi... and with that intention I increase my power and connection to Source. This is what I needed to quell this demon. His incessant chatter, driving me into seclusion taking refuge in a bath where the Epsom Salts gently coax negative energy from my body. Continued breath and trying not to connect to any of the thoughts, I was most certainly avoiding agreeing with them or joining in... but it is difficult when they are coming rapid stream, staccato, frenetic. Out of every thousand I slipped once or twice... and some slips were not even on a conscious level. So down I spiraled. I knew not to speak, or prepare food for my loved ones so I hunkered down with good intentions to a graphic design project. By staying focused on the light, staying present to the moment and relaxing, I began to feel better. My guts never fully recovered, but I went to bed feeling fairly bright.


When I woke the next morning, I felt like I had been hit by a truck... Or doing battle all night. It was a rough night, energetically speaking. I still get hit at night, dark seeds planted during the day find bountiful soil to take root while I sleep. Groundhog day... It finally took a team effort, but we got through. Soul retrieval and deep breath work and I was able to pop that entity out of my energy beings and regain my light.


I am still learning. It is an adventure where new mysteries await around every corner. Life has taken on a new quality as I stay connected to my authentic energies for longer periods of time. But they are battles hard won and the war is not over yet. There is always something to learn, to let go of, more of the ego to release, personal demons along with ample dark energy free-flowing all around. I remain diligent in my practice, ever mindful of those tell-tale signs. Those nagging thoughts that come, self-doubt, fear, anger... I know that those are the seeds of malcontent,  the non-reality of a dark source, not my present state. So I remain vigilant and mindful, staying as present as possible, awake and aware I face this moment with Love and I will prevail.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Releasing the Darkness

They came to me in a dream... I was clearing my energy from the journey out of the house that afternoon.  Connecting to the earth, grounding and soaring out into the etheric fields when the vision appeared. Out of the fog they rode dark and on horseback... jet black armor and armed to the teeth.  They startled me I will say. Enough to sink into a tai chi stance of readiness, poised for fight or flight, yet peaceful.


They circled me and in that moment it was the clich├ęd movie scene where the last man was standing and the enemy moved in closer forming a tight circle around the hero. I crouched lower and pivoted around, ready to act... building the energy of the first chi strike. Love my strength. Unconditional I filled myself with loving heart energy. They stopped. My love poured steadily, streaming out of my chest in a brilliant golden white field.


I surveyed the scene. My training dictated situational awareness and my senses responded accordingly absorbing every detail. Immediately it was clear they were not here to harm me, physically or energetically. Their were so many... legions, an army of darkness had me surrounded. I relaxed, stood up and got bigger.  Staying rooted in the earth, I extended my energy out and up. There were so many... I know, I repeated myself. But, there were so many of them on horseback, identical near as I could tell. 


Wearing steel helmets with just the eyes shining through, bright and alive I noticed. A formidable scene I acknowledged, as I came back down. One horseman had stepped forward and I faced him. I looked into his eyes to see they were the brightest of them all. He shifted in the saddle, a weariness exuded from him so palpable to me as I felt it through my forehead and into my brain, deep to its center. The horse snorted and I could tell he was happy.


We talked for hours in those moments, revealing deeply rooted evils. He told me that I was doing soul work. Reclaiming lost power and energy from the past was creating wholeness and my Authentic Self was expressing itself for the first time in a great long while. He showed me his influence over my thoughts, words and action in this lifetime and others... he had been with me a long time. Occasionally he would anger, but I just shone love on him and his men. 


It's not that he surrendered per se, he acknowledged that the light was all he ever wanted, but rather he told me that it was my work that had finally released him and his army from my service. The heart energy was still flowing freely as the men began to disperse, forming single file they dropped their weapons in front of us and trotted majestically into a portal of light. Hours passed, again in just a few breathes and the Dark Knight sat straight as the love poured through him and into his men.


Then they were gone and it was just he and I. Deftly he jumped off the horse and it galloped into the light, he watched it go. I noticed he was no longer wearing armor, simple white, although dirty and tattered clothing hung from his body. He was still facing the portal when I noticed just how similar we looked. He turned around and it was me... I waved as he turned again and walked into the portal. 


I felt my energy returning and began to integrate the pieces of my soul that were lost so long ago when I fractured and this evil being was created.  I awakened to my breath through pursed lips creating a surface tension as the air passed out my mouth and into my hands. Worlds are created on this breath and different realms of existence.  I have experienced many profound things as my soul heals, as my power returns and my light gets stronger.


Welcome to the Buffalo Diaries.