Saturday, February 20, 2010

Living the Dream

I have said this on occasion, Living the Dream... Most notably, while on wildfire assignments. I have always been very passionate about fighting wildland fire, ever since the first time I was exposed to it back in 1987. Actually, the first time was lighting piles during the fall burning season for a forestry contractor in Missoula, MT. The smoke and flames... Wow, I was really excited about it.

Now, 23 years later I am still as passionate about my role in the wildland fire service as I was back then. Living the Dream, I will say when asked, “How are you?” on assignment. And it is true, I did dream about this many times along the way. I dreamed of becoming a Type 1 Helibase Manager and being on a Type 1 National Incident Management Team, and now I am.

This was my dream and I took steps to make it happen. That is what occurs when one is passionate about something. And herein lies the enigma I have been searching for. Much of my life to the point where I started making choices that were aligned with my Authentic Self some 3 years ago was someone else’s dream. That’s right, I was living someone else’s dream... and it didn’t work out. How did it happen?

Through shamanic journeying and soul retrieval I have found the answer. And in doing so, I have released much burden from my being. I was angry, resentful, wrathful, fearful, unsure at times... I was carrying around a lifetime’s worth of choices and actions that were predicated on training that I received as a child growing up. Oh sure, I did them... I was there the whole time, but many decisions were not aligned with my Authentic Self.

I remember from my earliest recollection my well-intentioned parents training me for a productive and successful life in our society. Preparing me for college, providing experiences that they thought would enrich my experience... make me a better person. Classical guitar lessons, tennis, heavy emphasis on school are just a few that stick out.

But, something happened... It seems that while I was growing up, I was unable to find me. I suspect that if I tried to express myself in a way that I wanted to it was put to the “parent’s dream” test. If it was aligned, then thumbs up if not, then perhaps that isn’t the best thing for Marc.

I am oversimplifying a very deep personal discovery, but you get the picture. I suspect this happens a great deal in parenting, couples wanting the best for their children... better than they had it. So, a plan forms as to how that can be and parents set about to make it happen. But, what about this developing spiritual human being? How does he determine what he wants to be when he grows up?

In my case, I began to live their dream... albeit reluctantly, rebelliously and with much difficulty. And it made me angry... I carried around a great deal of anger as a child and into my adult life. Even though I have lived a peaceful life these last several years, there has always been an undercurrent of anger and rage deep within my being. It only came out in flashes or in a look but it was there.

Last night I saw it though... And I journeyed on it. And I did Soul Recovery as well, getting back huge pieces of my Soul that had fractured off along the way. I am feeling better now... better able to see why many of the things I have been working through have occurred. Why I never seemed to truly be happy... Well, it all boils down to this. I am living my dream now. I am living for me and reuniting with my Authentic Self and in doing so have found happiness.

This latest discovery is a relief. I am continuing the soul recovery process, especially forgiveness and release focusing on my childhood and my parents. In doing so, I am seeing where “my story” was wrong. Because of the traumatic (to the Soul) experiences and resulting Soul piece loss, I was harboring a great deal of anger and resentment... Blame towards my parents. (I am so sorry Mom and Dad...). Over the years, this festered and boiled and was turned down to a simmer, but it was always there. Even now, looking back over the past several years, thinking that my relationship with my parents was really good, I can see that I haven’t been fully present with them. Deep in my sub-conscious, I always felt that I was letting them down if I tried to be me, especially now that I have so dramatically departed from their early dreams for me.

But what’s interesting is now all they want for me is to be happy... Well, I am going to have a much better time of it now that I am releasing this. Yay!

So as I continue to forgive and release, I am opening up and better able to see them for the beautiful and amazing parents they have been to me these 41 years. I love you dearly, Mom and Dad... Thank you... And I am feeling the lightness of being returning to me. I am feeling my Authentic Self and listening to my Guides. This healing was necessary for me to truly stand in the Light of my Being and I am grateful.

I am Living my Dream now... with Total Personal Responsibility I am Living my Dream.

Peace and Love


  1. Marc,
    As a parent of a very wonderful young man, I can say..."you're right on". Responsible parents do want better for their children, much better than what they experienced. I believe the true achievement as a parent is when you can see that your child has found their 'love' of themselves and recognition of their 'guides'. I love what you've written and thank you for the gift. Your stories are so thoughtful and precious!

  2. Please forgive me...I am so sorry for my hurtful words. I did not know the extent of your unhappiness. I can't imagine how hard things must have been for you all these years. I care about you, always have.