Dec 26, 2009
Letting go is a process. One thing comes right after the other... Immediate is the need to resolve these issues it seems, otherwise why would they keep coming to me? And perhaps that is the quandary that I myself am creating... Perhaps as I address the dark energies that lurk in my shadow self, I allow their temperaments to affect my reality. I listen... or I wake up and don't realize that I am in a world of grey, seeing out of concrete eyes and wrapped in concrete wings, with a grimace frozen in tortuous contort.
I chose to look at my shadow side earlier this month and have been processing experiences ever since. I have come to the core. To the heart of the matter, as it were... encased in concrete it becomes if I do not shed the statue that has encased my being impenetrable to the Love that surrounds me. This I have experienced... cycling between open and closed, closed then open... relaxed then constricted... the cycle continues. I do not need to continue the experience as such, but rather understand what is happening. From this place of understanding, I am finding more compassion for myself when I falter, as well as learning new ways to keep myself free from influence, clear and aligned with my higher self.
January 7, 2009
I started writing this entry the day after Christmas. I was recovering from a hit to my power center(3rd Chakra) while doing yoga. I was incapacitated for almost 2 weeks; forced immobility prompting deep inner journey work. I was guided to many experiences in my past that I still carried with me energetically. It felt as though parts of my body were here, now in the present moment, yet there were sensations telling me that there were other parts that were stuck in other realms... other experiences.
There was a visceral heaviness, deep in the bowels of my being, yet the rest of me felt light, free and filled with high vibrations. As I moved around, this heaviness was very restrictive and wasn't allowing me to fully expand into the light of my authentic self. As I meditated, expanding my shamanic view I saw the other dimensions of reality that are all around us. These energetic worlds are inhabited by other possibilities in the quantum world. There are infinite possibilities and they all exist simultaneously to our shared present moment.
I was afforded an amazing opportunity to experience this phenomena first hand while recovering from physical symptoms so intense as to ask for a miracle healing. I have had crippling back issues before and moved past the physical symptoms, but this time it was different. I couldn't stand, walk, roll over in bed, let alone get out of bed without assistance. I couldn't provide for myself, bathe or go to the bathroom. It was very compelling.
My training has sharpened my capacity to see past the physical and into the energy worlds, so I saw this physical experience as an energetic one and set about to make amends... This journey led me to a deeper spiritual understanding of reality that has forever marked my being. I just cannot go back now... A shamanic journey is an experience of the inner realms accessed through deep meditation and applied consciousness. It is a kaleidoscope of colors, lights, images, movies of past experience or other worlds. It is rife with imagery, symbology and mythology; spirits and guides abound both light and dark in nature in this non-ordinary reality. It is a place where all things are possible, where thought and intention instantly manifest reality... mirror worlds, if you will, where a mirror image of myself conducts an energetic existence that has gone unnoticed by me until now.
It is to these worlds that I have travelled to reclaim lost energy from my unconscious past. There I witnessed energetic contracts I made in my current past, as well as past lives that was contrary to my higher purpose. These agreements against my highest good fractured soul energy from my being and has held it stuck in the energetic realm that resonates with the frequency of the infraction. Over lifetimes of experience these energetic worlds have taken on a life and reality of their own, with my fractured pieces of energy carrying out the contract, spell, agreement or curse in non-ordinary reality for all time... Karma a good way to look at it.
But in seeing this for myself, I feel empowered to act. No longer do I need to fall back on the way things have always been, but rather I can now guide my life with conscious clarity. Choosing to heal those experiences (reclaim my energy) made along the way, mistakes made by an unconscious being unaware of the truth about our reality, has brought an inner peace and tranquility I have never known.
This profound healing comes from soul retrieval, a shamanic practice whereby stuck energy is retrieved from whatever dimension it is being held in then cleansed, purified and brought to a resonant vibrational frequency. It is then reintroduced into the energy field, reuniting lost parts bringing one closer to wholeness and the authentic self.
In this way, I have begun to heal and have greater access to my higher consciousness. I continue to get stronger as my energy returns and my power grows. I am getting closer to my authentic self... and the journey continues.